2 FUNNY Jokes

[foxlighter]

ethal in here wheel chair.

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around
the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum
speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short
of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of them actually
joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Mad Old
Bob stepped out with his arm stretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm
voice.
"Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag
and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and
away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge
on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP!
Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out
a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, "Carry on,
Ma'am." As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy
Kevin stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable
erection
in his hand, shouting STOP!! "Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the
Breathalyser
again!"

Hardware stores

The Husband Store

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:-
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!


So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.


On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework..

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store .

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visi! ted.

[MarkB]

lolol

[ando]

hehe nice!

[daviddawn]

good jokes