A few jokes. - Techwatch Support Forums: Digital & Satellite TV, FTA, Cable, Computers, Mobile Phones, Apple and General Tech Forums

fj1200 · 21-02-10, 12:52 PM

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door..

They asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.

It was very nice of them,but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

---

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations"

but none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"?

---

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything.

I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was"How are you getting on?"

---

My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw.

It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.

---

Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!!

---

They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right.

After 8 pints I talk sh!te and can't drive!

---

Whats the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack?

The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once.

---

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?"

"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."

---

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.

I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"

---

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.

"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.

"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big

blue hair."

wasp11 · 21-02-10, 08:56 PM

FatboyVilla · 26-02-10, 01:47 PM

tiger56 · 26-02-10, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FatboyVilla

WTF PMSLRAOF

flyingkarpet · 26-02-10, 08:03 PM

very good!!

waqasahmed · 27-02-10, 11:49 PM

Thanks. Got all of them, except the last one

martin-f · 28-02-10, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waqasahmed

Thanks. Got all of them, except the last one

lol waq

Quote:

Can you describe the (symptoms) to me

simpsons

waqasahmed · 28-02-10, 12:23 AM

Martin, I watch them all the time. I guess my mind must have froze at the last sentence lol. Reading it again, it makes sense

21-02-10, 12:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
fj1200 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Taobh Ó Thuaidh Posts: 1,239 Thanks: 69 Thanked 490 Times in 324 Posts	A few jokes. I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.. They asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them,but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch." --- Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations" but none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"? --- Honestly some folk will take offence at anything. I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was"How are you getting on?" --- My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw. It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio. --- Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!! --- They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk sh!te and can't drive! --- Whats the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack? The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once. --- Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?" "No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard." --- A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!" --- A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair." __________________ For every wound, a balm. For every sorrow, cheer. For every storm, a calm. For every thirst, a beer

21-02-10, 08:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
wasp11 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: belfast Posts: 2,422 Thanks: 932 Thanked 891 Times in 658 Posts	Re: A few jokes. __________________ TEA VICAR?

26-02-10, 01:47 PM	#3 (permalink)
FatboyVilla Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 101 Thanks: 16 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: A few jokes.

26-02-10, 08:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
flyingkarpet Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 12 Thanks: 12 Thanked 7 Times in 5 Posts	Re: A few jokes. very good!!

27-02-10, 11:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
waqasahmed Cost efficient muppet Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: W. Yorkshire TW area Posts: 4,547 Thanks: 2,387 Thanked 938 Times in 693 Posts	Re: A few jokes. Thanks. Got all of them, except the last one __________________ Sat set up: Openmedia 500CS Sky mini dish 1m orbital+dodgy Motek motor TG585 v7 bridged modem DIR-615 D2 DD-WRT router

28-02-10, 12:23 AM	#8 (permalink)
waqasahmed Cost efficient muppet Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: W. Yorkshire TW area Posts: 4,547 Thanks: 2,387 Thanked 938 Times in 693 Posts	Re: A few jokes. Martin, I watch them all the time. I guess my mind must have froze at the last sentence lol. Reading it again, it makes sense __________________ Sat set up: Openmedia 500CS Sky mini dish 1m orbital+dodgy Motek motor TG585 v7 bridged modem DIR-615 D2 DD-WRT router

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