I live my life on benefit's (Your First Thought)

[waqasahmed]

Even though we are in a recession, we are quite lucky to receive little pots of money to (barely) survive

In other countries, we would be allowed to starve

It really is quite lucky if you are born in the western world-more so for me, as Id hate to be brought up in Pakistan where theres barely any (modern) tech

[razzmondo]

you have paid into the system for all these years,you are only claiming what you have put in.respect to you ,you may have lost your house but you have gained great respect from your family.family comes first and you have proved it.good luck for the future.

[nvingo]

I don't think anyone would begrudge you given such circumstances.

I was in a steady factory job since leaving school, then met a woman who had mental health diagnoses, who had four children by her first marriage.

I left the job I was in, to be available to care for her. I subsequently worked some odd days through agencies, but similar issues there were no suitable companions available for her whilst I was at work so I became her fulltime carer on benefits.

We went through problems; aggravated robbery by her first husband and his gang, drink binges, suicide attempts (overdoses, dangerous situations) which I frequently had to call for police assistance.
Housing, we privately rented whilst on the council list, first had three (two useable due to damp) bedrooms and no bath, second had only two bedrooms and no garden. This was the house our own two children were born to.

Cars, my first 7-seat (Montego estate) was stolen and written off. I just brought my six-month old son home from visiting mum on the psychiatric ward. Put him to bed and looked out the window to see a car - My car - being driven at speed down the road.
Next vehicle, small minibus, written off non-fault collision.
It's hard just finding budget people carriers let alone keep replacing them on benefits.

Anyway we're separated now. Don't see the step-children anymore so any old car will do, for me and my two.

Am starting work FT soon, similar role to what I left almost ten years ago, and the pay is reasonable too.

Ultimately, caring for a partner is a difficult job itself, and you have to consider that the alternatives are both less desirable and less economic - a stranger being paid from social services funding to be with the partner whilst you work, or the partner in an institution, are not acceptable substitutes for the dedication you have to the family.

[Macabre]

What did me , left school and worked st8 away. 20 years non stop. company went bust.
Had to fill in 20 pages to get £50 a week.

Told them to stick it

PS YOU KNOW YOUR A GOOD DAD AND SO WILL YOUR KIDS.

NO ONE ELSE MATTERS

[TechWreck]

welshcake your I one in a million my friend you are obviously a wonderful caring thoughtful guy who has done the right thing and supported the woman you love no matter what is thrown your way.

so all the best bud for the future you deserve it.

I unfortunately did not have the same outcome with regards to my wife... she passed away through comlpications in hospital, and three years later I am just coming out of a very dark hole.

I too have now met a wonderful lady who has bouts of deppression but I am there for her like she would be for me.

so dont worry bud your kids will always be proud of you, they have a great dad !!.

tech

[welshcake]

Originally Posted by nvingo

I don't think anyone would begrudge you given such circumstances.

I was in a steady factory job since leaving school, then met a woman who had mental health diagnoses, who had four children by her first marriage.

I left the job I was in, to be available to care for her. I subsequently worked some odd days through agencies, but similar issues there were no suitable companions available for her whilst I was at work so I became her fulltime carer on benefits.

We went through problems; aggravated robbery by her first husband and his gang, drink binges, suicide attempts (overdoses, dangerous situations) which I frequently had to call for police assistance.
Housing, we privately rented whilst on the council list, first had three (two useable due to damp) bedrooms and no bath, second had only two bedrooms and no garden. This was the house our own two children were born to.

Cars, my first 7-seat (Montego estate) was stolen and written off. I just brought my six-month old son home from visiting mum on the psychiatric ward. Put him to bed and looked out the window to see a car - My car - being driven at speed down the road.
Next vehicle, small minibus, written off non-fault collision.
It's hard just finding budget people carriers let alone keep replacing them on benefits.

Anyway we're separated now. Don't see the step-children anymore so any old car will do, for me and my two.

Am starting work FT soon, similar role to what I left almost ten years ago, and the pay is reasonable too.

Ultimately, caring for a partner is a difficult job itself, and you have to consider that the alternatives are both less desirable and less economic - a stranger being paid from social services funding to be with the partner whilst you work, or the partner in an institution, are not acceptable substitutes for the dedication you have to the family.

Wow that is also a hell of a lot to deal with, Lucky I have no ex partner on the scene and wants nothing to do with his kids plus after 10 years they see me as their father. I do get worried I am 30 now and always remember I had all these plans that I would do but had time on my side to build them up which is fading as each year goes by. I am frustrated at the lack of help for my wife on the NHS for mental health issue's, I keep thinking we need to do something or the decision will be taken away from us in that suddenly our income will stop maybe by a change of government and then we will really struggle, My youngest starts full time school in September so I am hopeful we can make small steps towards getting back on the ladder of normal life.

[welshcake]

Originally Posted by TechWreck

welshcake your I one in a million my friend you are obviously a wonderful caring thoughtful guy who has done the right thing and supported the woman you love no matter what is thrown your way.

so all the best bud for the future you deserve it.

I unfortunately did not have the same outcome with regards to my wife... she passed away through comlpications in hospital, and three years later I am just coming out of a very dark hole.

I too have now met a wonderful lady who has bouts of deppression but I am there for her like she would be for me.

so dont worry bud your kids will always be proud of you, they have a great dad !!.

tech

Just read this, That must have been awful and put's my problems in the shadow of what you had/have to deal with, For all the faults/problems my wife has she is my soulmate I've loved her since I was 10 years old and was lucky to have the oppotunity years later be with her and then marry her.

I am not sure how others feel but it is so hard when others even family members really don't really understand and ask you can you do something for me or drop me here etc and I can't as I can't leave her on her own their have been so many occasions when we need to go and get something from the local shop which a normal couple would just send one of your up yet all 6 of us have to go which the kids just accept really and never question.

[TechWreck]

true love conquers all

good luck

tech

[charlie1966]

You have my admiration so I'm sure you have your family's. Your time with your kids will be with them for the rest of their lives, make the best of it will mean so much to them and you.

I think for this thread my signature is most appropriate. We all have our problems to deal with but others put ours in perspective.

[nvingo]

Originally Posted by welshcake

I am frustrated at the lack of help for my wife on the NHS for mental health issue's, I keep thinking we need to do something or the decision will be taken away from us in that suddenly our income will stop maybe by a change of government and then we will really struggle,

Are Social Services or Children's Services involved (you don't need to answer that).
They were with my wife in her previous marriage, then with us and our children. They were supposed to be there to help us, but put my wife under immense pressure.
In 2008 there was a new service from the CMHT she was referred to, but it took a year before her first appointment - the day after SS instigated our separation.

We actually had a very good Social Worker from expecting my son (yes pre-birth) through to 2007, from the intake and assessment team. She stayed with us due to wife's insecurity and paranoia. Then we were told long-term team had to take over and were assigned a new and inexperienced worker...

I echo the sentiments of the other posters here, you're looking after the important people in your life, in the best way with the limited resources available to you.