I live my life on benefit's (Your First Thought)

[welshcake]

Your first thought is the same thought I properbly had 3 years ago if someone said the ame thing to me, Get a job or something along those lines. Now let me explain and see if someone can advise better.

Just over 3 years ago i worked for a leading children's charity as a finance officer, I was 26 at the time married to my wife who had 2 children from a previous relationship and one of our own who was 2 at the time. After impressing in my job I was ear marked for a step up to business manager for a new project opening up in another area with 18-24 months a job that carried a salary of 30-35k, So things were looking good for us.

My wife has alwasy suffered with bouts of depression not to bad but still we were unable to take for granted what a lot of people did in that she was very uneasy a night time on her own with No other adult company so going out for a pint with the lads meant having to arrange a relative to stay with the wife but we managed etc.

Shortly after this we found out my wife was preganant with our forth child, If was not planned and really if I am honest not best pleased as things like our car size house size etc would have to change but again looking at what was coming in the future was not overly worried.

7 months into the pregancy with my was hospitalised with category 5 placenta previa meaning she could bleed out so needed to be kept in hospital. For the remaining 2 months I took leave for work to look after the other 3 children all by myself and taking them into hospital every day to see their mum.

Close on 9 months my wife suffered further complications and I received a telephone call at 2am to say I needed to get to the hospital asap as she was rushed to theatre to deliver my son, I got in thankfully both baby and mum were ok however my wife remained in intensive care follwing the massive loss of blood and coming very close to losing her life.

Following this my wife remained in hospital for a further 3 week's and eventually allowed home, I returned to work but could tell something was not right I returned home at lunch time to check on everything to find my wife sat in the corner shaking and crying and the kids running around and baby screaming, She was uffering a nervous breakdown. I informed work and told them I needed to sort this out and would return once everything was fine which they were ok with but it was unpaid leave as I had used up all my holiday and perturnity leave.

Things did not get better in fact became a lot worse, I had to give up my job and the prospects it had after 2 months and care for her and the children, We have gone to see many speacialists and because we were unable to pay private their was an 18 month waiting list for treatment which she has now had 2 consultations and waiting for further treatment which was over 6 months ago. In this 3 years we lost our house which was privately rented and had to live in a one room hostel for 3 months and then a temp house before moving into our current council house all of which done wonders for my wifes mental health.

I am at the stage now where I cannot see no light at the end of the tunnel, I have tried to go down the route of starting something up that maybe me and my wife and be involved in together given our love of animals but met with the constant their is no funding available for business start ups with no capital and after having to go bankrupt earlier this year can't see that happening now.

I don't want to live a life on benefits I want my children to be proud of thier dad and what he does, I get treated like every other complete dosser whenever I have to go to various interviews at the job centre etc which really hurts.

So i'll ask again I live on benefit's what's your first thought?

[G77]

first off, your children will be proud of their dad whatever you do.

2nd off, i know there is a stigma attached to benefit claimants but the way the ecconomy is at the moment your not on your own. people down at the job centre do know this and so do the majority of 'decent folk'

if your willing, thats all that matters. i really wouldnt let it get you down. it is tough finding work and i firmley beleive that its a case of being in the right place at the right time.

the dossers as you refer to them are those who have no intention of finding work and use the same old excuses every fortnight when they sign on.

[welshy9]

hi m8 , im the same , theres nothing wrong with being on benifits unless ur a druggy , lazy arse , who cant be botherd looking for a job

the wife has uncontrolled epilepsy , we have 2 children under 5 and not in full time school yet ,

im currently a carea as she cant work yet , untill it becomes stable , and she cant be left alone with the kids incase she has a fit ,

as soon as the kids start full time school im going job hunting

[brian]

Originally Posted by welshcake

I don't want to live a life on benefits I want my children to be proud of thier dad and what he does, I get treated like every other complete dosser whenever I have to go to various interviews at the job centre etc which really hurts.

So i'll ask again I live on benefit's what's your first thought?

I was long-term unemployed during the time our three kids were born, and I can really relate to the wife depression issue.

First things first - kids are proud of their dads not for their jobs, but what they do with the kids.

Regular walks to the park always gave us quality time, and gave us things to experience together, that they still remember now.

Living on a budget, going through the changes you have, is a tough one - very tough on everyone.

Financially, you will need to learn to budget and do it well so you have some spare cash to do things with. You'll have to get used to life without credit but that's probably a good thing because it reduces the opportunity for getting into debt, which would be another nightmare.

Either way, don't give up hope - things will be tough, especially so, but consider it a temporary situation. My brother's wife has bi-polar and it's been a tough slog for him, but after a few years it looks like things are finally improving, not least in getting on top of debts, and he's working again.

At the end of the day, though, the family is the more important - your wife needs you, and the kids need you - so make sure you can be there as you can.

However, I would also strongly recommend you find a way to make time for yourself in something - whether it's making sure you and your wife are always sat together on a Saturday night to ensure you have partner time together; doing something with the kids every Sunday; but perhaps more importantly, find something you can do for yourself and by yourself - a hobby or interest that gives you breathing room to recharge and de-stress.

And don't worry about being classed a "doley" - call yourself a carer and parent, and chat with Citizens Advice to see if you can indeed be classed as a "carer" for employment purposes, and if there are special benefits to help both of you through this.

Whatever happens, best of luck with everything.

[welshcake]

Thank you all for your kind words, Making time for myself is the most hard thing of all to do given our situation. I have always and will always do the simple things with my children even when I was working I dropped them to school and read to them every evening as well as the normal let's have a kick around etc.

As for time for me and the wife we really like films and often sit down during the evenings and watch a film. It is testing sometimes as we are in each others company 24/7. That's why I would love to start something up that the two of us can get involved with. I ask this questions as when I have stated in the past I am un-employed at the moment or whatever some of the look's I get could kill.

[waqasahmed]

Theres a couple next to me who (both) cant work. I wouldnt put them down.

What I hate is the amount of people who dont work because they're too lazy to look for work etc... and then receiving public money

welshcake, I dont think your like a lot of people on the dole, considering your circumstances and your previously (well) paid job

[dazzadub]

same boat, made redundant and struggling to get back into work, i suffer with back issues so im only able to light work and thats so hard to find

[cable man]

like G77 says if your willing, thats all that matters, the way life is now having 4 kids you would need 2 be on about £60k a year just 2 have a ok life, and thats just paying bills food and clothes,its just so expensive 2 live in the uk and some are better off on the dole...i have only got i kid and its so hard and its only me that works so only me who paying bills and im only a security guard and work 7 nights a week on a building site...and i some times think i would be better off on the dole...

[stuss]

Originally Posted by cable man

like G77 says if your willing, thats all that matters, the way life is now having 4 kids you would need 2 be on about £60k a year just 2 have a ok life, and thats just paying bills food and clothes,its just so expensive 2 live in the uk and some are better off on the dole...i have only got i kid and its so hard and its only me that works so only me who paying bills and im only a security guard and work 7 nights a week on a building site...and i some times think i would be better off on the dole...

thats the subtle difference though you know you would possibly be financially better off on the dole, but you choose to work.. Hats off to you mate..

[Bandit1.3]

Hi welshcake sorry to hear you have had such a run of bad luck. you have paid into the system so you are only taking back what you paid in over the years you were employed and the difference is you want to work. I myself was out of work for 11 months my morgage was covered but i had just moved house and it needed doing up i had the time but not the money after six months it was doing my head in being at home so my hat goes off to you for coping for so long. Just to end this when i was signing on i notice a lot of people would come in the job centre but not look at the jobs avalible so i mentioned this to the staff there reply was you want to work they don't.