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April 1, 2010

Virgin Media employs fibre ferrets

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by Darren Allan

So what’s the secret weapon behind Virgin Media’s upcoming super-fast broadband network, which will offer speeds of 100Mbps and 200Mbps eventually?

The answer is simple. Ferrets. Yes, you know, the long fluffy creatures with a penchant for holes.

According to a release from the Virgin press office this morning, specially trained ferrets are being used by the company to suss out the best places to lay their fibre.

“These unusual engineers not only assist in searching out the best places to lay fibre optic cables, but also wear jackets fitted with a special microchip able to analyse any breaks or damage in the underground network,” the press release stated.

The jackets in question being little orange safety jackets, as an illustrative picture showed. Aww, cute.

The ferret force, which has been trialled for a year, consists of twenty specially trained ferrets from Derbyshire, headed up by a pair called Fang and Bandit. Apparently.

“Our decision to use them is due to their strong nesting instinct, their long, lean build and inquisitive nature, and for their ability to get down holes,” the company said.

What the press release doesn’t mention, and one of our sources has exclusively revealed, is that Virgin Media has also employed other animals in roles within the company.

The PR department is populated exclusively by badgers – experts at persistently nagging and cajoling websites into promoting company news – badgering, by any other name.

Marketing is staffed by giraffes, because they’ve got a lot of neck, and our source also mentioned Virgin broadband customers talking of hamsters in some sort of employ at the company’s HQ.

Story link: Virgin Media employs fibre ferrets

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  1. Blatent April Fools

    Comment by Bart Wootton — April 1, 2010 @ 10:57 am

  2. Nah, you don’t say!

    Comment by Brian Turner — April 1, 2010 @ 11:44 am

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